Learning to Say “No”
Every time I stop to think on this particular topic, it makes me think of one of my previous bosses. He used to praise me highly for all the things I would accomplish, and especially those things that I assisted him with. The one negative item in my performance reviews that always came up was my inability to say “No.”
I would work myself to the bone accomplishing tasks that he would later ask me in an amused manner why I had ever taken on in the first place. My lame answer was always, “They asked.”
Eventually, we created a more firm clarification of what my duties were and were not, and he even went as far as to say anything beyond that scope would go through him first. All this so I did not have to say “No.” So that I could pass it off. So I did not have to be the bad guy.
What is it about saying “No”?
Well, feeling I am letting someone down, for one.
The majority of being an Administrative Assistant is right their in the title – assisting. So it has always been automatic for me to say “Yes” for requests of assistance.
I am the Assistant, how can I assist?
It is amazing how innocently it begins for people to take advantage of that. In fact, I dare say that most would never consider it taking advantage – I know I do not, until it is brought to my attention. Is X part of your job description? Well, no… Then, for goodness sake, say “No.” Because heaven forbid I should run into the matter of one of my actual job duties remaining incomplete due to assisting with something I should not have been doing to begin with.
But it is hard to say “No”!
In a personal manner, I could probably say I am even worse in this aspect. With significant others especially. I give and give and give of myself… putting my family and friends and partners above myself. It is just who I am.
And 95% 0f the time, it is no problem, but eventually I over-commit myself, and I have to step back and assess. Laz is infinitely wonderful at helping me with this – sometimes he catches my emotions before I do. He is also good at seeing things from a perspective I cannot. Sometimes I just get so focused on the items sitting right in front of me that I lose focus on the bigger picture.
Unfortunately, when I step back and assess, it usually means disappointing someone, because I have to force myself to use that dreaded word, “No.”
There is just so much going on right now, and even between just Laz and myself, we both already feel stretched thin… raiding, managing alts, farming, professions, and now D3 is only about a week away. We plan to level our two D3 characters as quickly as possible, taking next Thursday and Friday off for a four day weekend to assist with doing so.
Add to that keeping up on my blog and the reading of those blogs I enjoy – not to mention other things I like to read.
This does not even touch on RL commitments. The weather is turning nicer, and I want to enjoy it. I am slowly rebounding from the effects of the deep depression and anxiety I had been suffering from for so long with my previous job and then being an unemployed, sole household financial provider.
But the rest of 2012 is looking up.
I owe it to my mom, to my dog, to Laz, and especially to myself to take it on in stride with a hopeful disposition and to devote the time and attention to things outside of gaming, and with the same passion, as I do things from behind the keyboard.
Do you ever find it difficult to say “no”? Do you ever overwhelm yourself in doing so?